I was working in a recovery area for theatres –so as far away from intensive care as you could possibly get. They started to arrange upskilling, which is learning how to ventilate a patient, when to escalate concerns, how to prone them - they have to lean on their stomach, because they get better lung capacity. So we’re learning all of this. They go: This is what you need to do. You need to hand over your patient, you’ve got an hour to hand patient over, there is nothing you can miss’, all of this stuff. And you had 15 minutes to half an hour if they had time, in a crammed room. And they said ‘Off you go’ and that was it. And then the next thing you know you’re going to be put into intensive care. So yeah, from that moment, from the upskilling, you’re there signing your name saying yes, I’ve done the upskilling. And then that’s it, off you go. 

So yeah, that was like, wow. 

I’m Ellen. I’m a student nurse and I work at University Hospital Southampton.

Three years ago I had to undergo abdominal surgery, which led to me being a patient in hospital for one month. And I was watching the nurses and they were always so smiley, and they did everything in their power to make sure that they could make that patient be as comfortable as possible. But they just work together. It’s just, it just clicked. And I knew that was something that I wanted to be part of. I wanted to be part of that team. 

I found out I got my nursing when, unfortunately, I was back in hospital. And I remember looking at it, and I just cried. Because I didn’t think it was gonna happen and I think it was such a whirlwind of emotions, of being a patient myself, to then being like, ‘Oh my gosh, I just sat here, watched all these nurses. That’s actually going to be me in a few years’. 

On the first day of me being moved to intensive care, I had to report to ‘The Hub’ we called it. So this area was two members of staff, this huge whiteboard with people’s names written all over it, and it would say your name and it will say what intensive care you’re going to. So, for example, it could be a side A, side B donning and doffing. So my first day was doing the donning and doffing. Donning and doffing is where you help staff members put on the PPE and remove it correctly without any cross contamination. I then get this vast queue of staff clock watching because they’ve got handover, and you’re rushing, but at the same time, you’re like, if you’re not wearing your PPE properly, then this is going to be a disaster. And then everyone goes in. And then you think ‘Oh, I’ve got a minute to breathe’. So you start restocking everything and then they start knocking at the door. So you have to go up to the door and genuinely put your ear up to the door because you can’t open it – because I’m not protected. So I put my ear up to the door and they’re like, ‘I need this medication’, or ‘I need this’. She goes to run and then you’re like, ‘Oh, my God. I don’t know what anything is’ like I’ve never worked here before. And then I’ll say to someone like, ‘Where do I find this?’ and they’re like, ‘Oh, it’s in the stockroom’. This isn’t a stockroom like a little cupboard where everything’s labelled. It’s this huge room and you’re looking, and like, half the time I didn’t know what I was looking for.

So the days flew, but I remember that being my first day and I was like, wow, wow. And I wasn’t even inside at this point. And that was just the dressing and undressing of staff. 

When I arrived in intensive care, I was really, really nervous. You know, a year ago I just learned how to wash a patient properly. And now I’m able to support intensive care nurses and help set up or intubate a ventilator. Patients in intensive care who were sedated, you have to be so observant when looking after them. You have to know when their mouth is dry, when they need to drink, when they need to be proned, when they need to be changed, when their feet may be dry and need to have creaming done to them, when their skin integrity needs to be checked. Because their life is basically in your hands. 

I’ve never had to work with patients who are sedated before. I’ve always had the interactions with patients, asking  them questions and them telling me if they’re uncomfortable or need the toilet or need a drink, whereas on this occasion, I had to decide that for them. 

You definitely run off nervous energy and adrenaline which keeps you going, especially when it’s these 12 hour shifts. The drive home is when you actually sit down and stopped. And I think that was the hardest part for me because, looking at the patients, looking at the stress, looking at… we were running out of things so quickly. The prognosis of patients and the outcomes weren’t what you would want. To see nurses crying, and they’ve got marks and sores on their faces. That was hard. That was really hard to see, because it must have been so stressful to be qualified at the time. 

I questioned whether or not I wanted to do my nursing. I still wanted to, I still wanted to go in there and help. But just seeing these, these poor patients, younger and younger, coming through the door…

Whilst donning and doffing, whilst working in intensive care, I still had to do my university assignments. So to try and develop as a student during it was really, really challenging. And we actually had an email from the university and the hospital saying, ‘If intensive care need you, you will be pulled off your university days. This is a priority. You need to come into work’.

So the high points for me, is the team morale. You know, if your donning and doffing, they all make a joke like ‘Oh, here we go again’. Like, everyone was just finding a way to make light of the situation because that’s how you get through it, meeting all these staff from around the hospital. 

I don’t like to bring it up, because it does sound really cringy. But one of the things that kept me going was definitely one of my mugs that my, my parents bought for me back from a holiday. So not only is your mug in the NHS everything to you – because if you don’t have your mug, then you can’t have coffee – but this mug in particular was just… It was just special to me because my parents went away on holiday. And unfortunately, my dad became very, very unwell. And he fortunately got back to the UK. Very, very poorly. And his prognosis wasn’t great. But anyway, he made a miraculous recovery and the care he received and the way he kept going was inspiring. 

And the mug always reminds me of what he’s been through and what the nurses did for, for Dad. And yeah, it’s kind of like a little ‘keep going’ to me.